Blog Details

I used to be ashamed of my mental health journey. Embarrassed of not being able to keep it together, and viewing the world as though everyone else could.
I can remember after the traumatic birth of my son, not being able to sit down and lying on the floor sobbing, wishing that the ground would swallow me whole.

I’d sit in the mums groups looking at all the perfect children, when mine had food down his clothes, and I felt like I’d been dragged backwards through a hedge. So I stopped going to the social things, because I felt like a bad mum.

Through my lense at the time, the world was glued and I was unstuck. And for so many moments in my life, this was the pattern of hidden shame.

So I’d clean my house (because if you’re house is clean that shows you’re coping right?), be overly positive when others were over, and try like stink to be normal on the outside. Let nobody know, because then you’re really a mess. Through those times, I lost so much happiness because I hid my true feelings, whilst inside the anxious demons roared blocking any joy that could have been. Take a pill because it’s not normal to be sad after excavating a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon. 😂 sorry to the men who made read this, but that tag line you’ll never understand; it’s a girl thang 😂

Now, after knowing that one in three people are experiencing mental health issues, I have no fear in sharing how I actually got through the mud. Because at least a third of you get it. 🤪 My message out of all that mess is that the little things mean so much more than the supposed life grades… Actually realising that we are doing the most important job on the planet - raising good humans. Just because no woman actually receives a wage for it, does not depreciate the value. I wish when someone had asked me “what do you do?”, I had said “I’ve created life from a teaspoon of gunk, grown it, pushed that mofo out, and I’m am it’s primary source of nutrition and care. I can run on no sleep, perform amazing feats of life support and still manage to cook dinner.
You could say I’m mad scientist slash SAS slash paramedic”.

Daily gratitude is a big key, looking for what is working rather than what’s not.
I wish I’d spent less time cleaning when my kids were babies, and more time on the floor making mess. My mum always said “the dust will be there when you’re dead”. And let’s face it as mums, the mess is constant. I wish I’d been more honest with the other mums at the play group, and laughed about how ripped apart my body was. Hiding the hurt never gives others permission to share. I wish that I’d just got out more, into the day, into the sunshine and experienced each moment with wonder. Yet the routine of making sure the house was clean before leaving, sucked all the goodness from the momentum.

You see, what I’ve found in clinic, after years of just normalising the crazy bits, is that we all have a story that is hidden. And the more we put blankets of shame on our less than perfect selves, the darker the walls become. It doesn’t mean wearing your moment like a badge, and it becomes everything you are. It means being able to say “I’m not ok in this moment” and connecting with other humans to let some light in. Being a minority in our minds is suffocating, but let’s face it; 33% of people are feeling similar, so really crazy is the new sane 😂 Gratitude, openness and realising that getting outside and distracting the focus can make us realise that the mind script can change.

Here’s to a day of potential. Mamas, screw the house work, and go fill your cups x

Lots of love

Katie